


Love is What You Need

by Ziallshippingislife



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abused Zayn, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Bully Niall, M/M, One Direction Fanfiction, Ziall Horlik, one direction - Freeform, ziall, ziall fanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-15
Updated: 2014-05-15
Packaged: 2018-01-24 23:24:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1620737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ziallshippingislife/pseuds/Ziallshippingislife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn has never had it easy with bullies at school and abuse from his mother, and he never thought that Niall could make everything worth it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love is What You Need

Zayn was quickly gathering his things for school practically throwing them into his bag. He was running a bit late. Not late for school, but his mom would be up soon, and he didn’t want her to know he was still home. He got dressed fast and then ran down the stairs grabbing his water bottle and then booked it outside without fixing himself some kind of breakfast.

He sighed when he finally made it. He took a few steps away from his small run down house and looked up to the second floor where his mothers light was on. His heartbeat was still pumping fast. He knew she went out last night with one of those boyfriends she had. He rolled his eyes thinking about it. She went out with a new man every night. Zayn hated it when she brought them home.

He started to walk now, even though it was way to early to even get into school yet, but he would take a slow walk and sit on the back steps for a while until people started to arrive. He did this every morning, and maybe he would actually get a bit more sleep. He always brought his alarm clock along just incase he did want to get some extra sleep.

Last night when Zayn had got home his mother wasn’t there, and he was happy she wasn’t. He was able to make himself a dinner of some sort, even though it was only toast and an egg which he was sure was no good, but he was fine so no harm done, right? He also sat around for a while trying to get his homework done.

Zayn loved school. He liked being there, not only because he liked it, but because it was kind of a safe house for him. He spent as much time as possible there. He participated in as many after school activities as possible and he would have joined sports, but he’s just not really the sports kind of guy. He was in art club and cooking club. He joined the foreign language club and also stayed after to help tutor younger students. The more time he spent there, the more he didn’t have to be at home.

There really was only one downfall about school. Zayn was severely bullied, and it wasn’t like he had just one, everyone made fun of him and pushed him around, but there was one person who did like to make his life a real living hell. He knew he was weird, and everyone knew he was gay. He wore a lot of the same clothes all the time, liked school, was in art club and the musical, and apparently that just wasn’t the cool thing to do.

Zayn liked to tell himself he didn’t care, that all he needed was himself, but sometimes he had a hard time believing his own words.

The birds were chirping now as he approached the front of the school. The warm sun was coming up and he smiled as the florescent colors woke up the dark sky. It was gorgeous, and this was one of his favorite things about waking up early everyday. He got to watch the beautiful sun of day rise with him and it made a smile come to his lips.

Unlike the bright colorful sun, Zayn was the exact opposite. He had dark black hair, dark brownish gold eyes. He was dull overall, just a boring invisible person. No one ever looked at him, but he didn’t mind. He didn’t want anyone to look at him. He wished he could have been more invisible.

Zayn leaned back as he sat down on the cold back steps of his second home and tried to relax and ignore the spider webs that littered the corner of the top step. He rested his backpack behind him, even though the books were jabbing into his back. He stared out in front of him where the back of the woods were, which led to who knows where.

Sometimes he thought about running. He thought it would be so easy to just run away, to run far from everything. To be able to be free from all the pain and hurt in his life. He had to remind himself though, when things got bad, that he would be away from it all soon. He had two years left of this place and then he would be gone. He couldn’t just give up on himself, he had to stick it through.

He would get a job this summer and save up and then leave. He couldn’t wait, and really it was the only thing that kept him going everyday. He was going to do well in school, and graduate top of his class, be given scholarships so he could finally make something of himself. He was going to break free from this terrible life he was forced to live.

He closed his eyes thinking of all the things he couldn’t wait to have someday. All the dreams he wanted to fulfill.

~ ~ ~

Zayn was jarred awake as his alarm clock started to ring. He sat up in a panic and grabbed his watch to check the time. He sighed in relief as he realized he had time. He looked around, the sky was now fully bright and cars were parked everywhere. He quickly once again gathered himself and his things together and hopped off the steps before someone could see him.

He let his eyes roam around to see if there were any students or teachers before he was running across the small patch of grass to get to the sidewalk.

No one had seen him, it’s not like he had any worries, no one would see him usually anyway, and even if they did no one would say anything.

It was almost time for the warning bell to ring, and he kind of wished he didn’t over sleep. He watched around him as familiar people he knew walked into the building and he swallowed thickly and followed a big crowd inside, trying to go unseen by anyone.

He tried to calm his mind as he walked through the hallways, looking around before turning the corners. He always had to be cautious just incase they were there. When he carefully gazed around the brick he didn’t see anything of a threat so he continued to walk. He let himself think, as he approached his gray boring locker.

He knew he had art club after school, and he knew there was really no where to go after that. He could go to the park for a while, but he would have to return to his house at some point that evening, and he really wished he wouldn’t have too. He knew his mother was going to be home today, and he knew all day she would be drinking. When he gets home he knows he’s going to walk through that door and the smell of alcohol is going to hit him like a hard wall. Also, since she would be drunk, he wasn’t sure what would happen to him today.

He took his books out of his bag and placed them inside his locker, and he flinched when he heard some small laughter behind him. His heartbeat was starting to pick up, and he felt a shiver run down his spine as that familiar voice rang through his ears.

“Good morning fag boy.”

At these moments Zayn always wished he could just stand up for himself. He always wanted to just punch him in the face and fight back, but for some reason he just couldn’t. In all honestly he was scared, because he knew pain was going to come, and pain was his biggest fear.

“Wh-What do you want?” He chanced asking, and he knew his tone was going to get him punched in the gut or slammed against the lockers, but it was probably going to happen either way. Usually no one touched him. Everyone just made fun of him by calling him names and making up rumors behind his back, but this was different. His main bully was never that generous.

He felt a hand on his back whip him around and he gasped as it tightened, and he was pushed up against the chill metal. He felt the coldness seep through the thin t-shirt he had on. He looked up and saw the evil smirk on his face. Pretty blonde hair, gorgeous blue eyes. He was perfect and Zayn knew that. He had flawless pale skin, and everyone adored him because he was athletic and well, he was hot.

Zayn sighed as Niall pushed him harder into the lockers.

Zayn didn’t hate him, which was weird because he probably should. He tries to make his life a living hell, but Zayn just can’t bring himself to hate anyone. It doesn’t feel right hating people. He just closes his eyes and let’s him treat him horribly, and just prays that it will end soon enough.

He didn’t know why Niall didn’t like him. He never had though, even when they were younger he would always give Zayn a hard time. He had known him since preschool, and he tried to be friends with the brown haired boy, who recently had changed into a blonde, but Niall always seemed irritated by him. He would try and share his lunch with him and he always wanted to play with him on the playground. They did live down the street from each other after all, and Zayn always thought that he could have a new friend to play with.

Niall always looked at him like he was being a bother. He told Zayn that he couldn’t play with him and his friends, and he always threw his food away. Zayn can still remember how sad he was when Niall called him annoying. He cried to the teacher and Niall had got in trouble. Niall was extra mad at him for the rest of the day calling him a cry baby.

He tried to leave him alone after that, and just hung out with his other friends, knowing that being his friend was hopeless. After that though, Niall started to act weird. He would glare at Zayn’s friends all the time and then he started to hurt Zayn. He pushed him down all the time, and he punched him a few times. Zayn as a kid never understood, and he still doesn’t now.

As they grew up Niall was always there still. Through elementary school, junior high and now senior high. The only thing was, he didn’t treat Zayn any differently. He still hated his guts, and he just accepted it.

“Niall, please not today.” He begged, and Zayn swallowed hard, because he knew no matter what he said Niall wouldn’t listen to him. He never did. When Zayn would cry out for him to stop hurting him, he would pretend he was deaf so he couldn’t hear. Zayn hated it.

“Shut up.” He snapped at him, making the boy flinch at his tone. No matter how many times Niall and Zayn had this encounter the boy would always wince at his voice, and shake at his words.

Niall then motioned with his head for his three friends to surround the boy. Louis, Harry and Liam all rushed over and grabbed Zayn by his arms, and Liam gripped him by his waist.

He started to struggle, and Niall was getting closer. He always tried to run away when they got to this point, and Zayn didn’t really understand why he didn’ t try this earlier, even though it probably would have been no use. His friends would have captured him back anyway.

“L-Let me go.” He whispered, his eyes not meeting Niall’s. He grabbed his chin, and forced him to look at him then. His sparkling golden eyes filled with pain and hurt. He never cried though. No matter how hard Niall hit him or how many mean things he called him, no tears ever left his pretty eyes.

“You’re so pathetic.” Niall growled at him, and Zayn winced again.

People were watching and Zayn knew. He knew the teachers could stop it, but they never did because Niall never got caught. He never got in trouble no matter what. He didn’t quite understand why, but he never did. He hated that. They treat Zayn like a punching bag and they always got away with it.

Zayn knew the pain was coming next as he saw Niall’s hand turn into a fist, and he gulped, but as soon as he shut his eyes, he felt the pain as knuckles collided with his eye. He yelped out in pain, because it really did hurt, not as bad as what his mother would do, but it was still up there. He felt the pulsing in his eye, and he tried to open it, but he knew it was no use. It felt like it was swollen shut, so he only opened his left eye and looked up to see a chuckling Niall and his friends were now dropping him to the ground.

He let out a gasp as his knees impacted the floor hard, and his hands tried to catch himself, but he failed as he crumpled to the ground. He heard the chuckling and he just stayed still until he heard the footsteps walking away. He lifted himself up and slumped back against the lockers, and he heard the bell ring.

He was late for his first class. He felt the tears in his eyes but he pushed them back. He wasn’t going to cry.

He carefully stood up then, and let his fingertips brush against his eye and he hissed in pain. Maybe he would go to the nurse and get a ice pack, but then he would have to explain why he had a black eye. He decided against it and just headed to class and sat in the back.

He didn’t have time to explain the cuts and bruises he had. Besides, it’s not like anyone cared in the first place.

~ ~ ~

“Well guys,” The teachers spoke, and Zayn already knew he hated these next words that came out of her mouth, “time to pack up, we’re all done for today.”

Zayn sighed. He stared down at his drawing in front of him. They were working on programs for the musical, and they had to submit their artwork, and the best one would get to be featured on the front cover. He was excited, he loved drawing and art was his getaway. Whenever he was here he never had to think about anything besides the picture on the page. That’s why he wished he never had to leave.

At home his mother had thrown all of his art supplies away. She had yelled at him, and broke all of his pencils and paint brushes in front of him and then threw them into the fire place. She had taken his paint bottles and squirted all the colors into the sink down the drain, all Zayn could do was watch and try not to let the tears slip past his eyes.

He remembered how she had drank a lot that night, blaming Zayn for everything. She had said awful things to him. She screamed that if he wasn’t born she would be better off. She locked Zayn in his room and didn’t bring him out until two days later. He missed school that Friday. He didn’t get to go to art club. He refused to cry. He sat in his room until she came home later that day, holding Zayn telling him how sorry she was, only he knew she didn’t mean it. She never did, because she would come back the very same day hammered and beat and belittle him just like she had the day before.

Zayn hated her. She had promised she was going to get help. She always said how she wanted to get better and become a better mother. She would cry to him of what a terrible mother she was and it broke Zayn to hear her cry like that. He only wanted a real mother to love him, and he begged and pleaded with her to get help.

She never would get help, and Zayn knew no matter how much he wished and prayed she was never going to. She was going to be an alcoholic for the rest of her life. An abusive mother as well.

Zayn sighed and packed up things, thinking maybe he could rest in the park for a while before he had to trudge home and face his drunken mother.

The walk was quiet, and the day was getting darker. He had made sure he dawdled as he made his way out of school. He wanted to make sure that every one was gone before he decided to go outside. Sometime Niall and his friends would be waiting for him, and he had learned recently to wait until way after school to go outside.

In school their beatings weren’t as bad, but as soon as they hit the outside world it seemed like they went crazy in beating Zayn up.

Zayn was looking at his surroundings walking to the park seeing a bunch of little kids sitting on the swings, begging for their parents to push them back and forth higher and higher. He smiled watching, and he felt that empty feeling in his chest again.

He liked to come here and watch, because he liked to pretend he had a childhood like that. It hurt to pretend sometimes, because he knew how much he wished he had a normal kid life, there was no way he could change it. His father walked out on him when he was four, his mother was an alcoholic. He never heard from his father again, his mother treated him like a nuisance.

Zayn watched on as mothers hugged their sons and daughters and their fathers held their hands and picked them up and spun them around. He rested his head in his arms, wondering what it felt like to be loved. He wondered if his father ever thought of him, and if his mother ever meant she was really sorry. He’s never heard her say I love you.

It was getting late now and the breeze was picking up and it was getting chilly, and Zayn was getting ready to go home. He knew what was waiting for him, and his heart sunk thinking about it. He wondered if there would be anyone else besides his mother there. Sometimes he wished there was. She wouldn’t really hurt him if there was someone else there. She would be too busy to deal with him. Sometimes she would lock him out.

Zayn picked up his bag and started to head across the soccer field. It was a little damp and it made his feet cold from his tattered shoes, but he didn’t mind. This way took him longer to get home anyway. He didn’t want to be there until the exact time his curfew was over.

He looked up though as he heard voices, and his eyes traveled not too far in front of him to see people playing on the weather beaten grass.

His eyes went wide as he saw who it was. Niall, and his three friends. Zayn gulped as he tried to back away, but it seemed like Niall’s eyes were already locked on his. He slowly tried to make it look like he wasn’t about to book it, but as soon as they started to run after him, he gasped and started to bolt.

His mind was yelling at him to run faster but he knew he wasn’t going to be able to get away. He knew that Liam kid was a star track athlete, and the more he thought about them behind him, chasing him, the more he felt his heartbeat quicken. It was when he heard deep breathing behind him was when he tripped and fell not watching where he was going.

“Not so fast!” Liam yelled at him as he tried to crawl away and get up again to continue running. He tackled Zayn to the ground and he yelped as his stronger bigger body fell on top of his.

“No! L-Let me go!” Zayn yelled out, and he only heard Liam laugh and grab his arm and twist it behind his body, which was worse because he still had his bag on. Zayn let out a yell but he knew it was pointless.

Zayn struggled, and he tried hard to get out of Liam’s grasp. He had to get home. He knew he had to get home. If he wasn’t home before seven, he would be in trouble. He tried to reason with him, tried to get him to let go, but he gave up as soon as he heard the other’s approaching.

“Nice job Li.” One of them said, but Zayn didn’t really care exactly who at this moment. He didn’t care if they were going to beat him, he just needed them to do it quick. He was on a strict time limit. He had twenty minutes to get home, and it took about ten the shortest way.

“Please! Let me go!” He yelled again, hoping that maybe they would just let him be, but he knew it was useless. “I have to get home, please! I-”

“Or what?” Niall mocked, and Zayn winced, “You gonna get grounded, pussy boy?” Zayn chuckled sadly inside, and could only wish he had it that easy.

Liam then grabbed his arm and hauled him up, and Zayn felt his muscles burn from the yank. He gritted his teeth as he was turned around to face Niall. He heard the boy laugh, and he just glared back at him.

“Nice bruise there.” He laughed, and Zayn wished he could just get away. He didn’t have time for this. He jerked in Liam’s hold but the boy didn’t let loose.

“Listen, please, beat me up some other time, please, I have to get home al-”

Zayn was cut off with a punch to the stomach. He coughed out and winced.

“You think we’re gonna just let you go, just like that?” He questioned, but Zayn remained quiet. He didn’t need to talk anymore. He wanted this to be over. He needed to get home. All he could think about was the punishment he was going to get for not being home on time.

Niall smirked at him and then Zayn saw him motion for the boys to join in on beating him. Zayn felt a punch connect with his jaw, and a kick was sent to the back of his knee. He collapsed down to the ground and curled in on himself trying to protect his body, but he felt the pain all over as they were relentless with their kicks and punches.

He heard them laugh. He heard them call him names. He didn’t understand why. What did he do to make them hate him so much?

He felt the kicks and punches come to an end not soon enough, but he started to unravel himself. He looked up to see them still standing there, and his eyes connected with Niall’s, his evil blue piercing eyes making him shudder.

Without another word he felt one more jab to the back and they were taking off to where they came from. Zayn felt that burning pain in his eyes again. He held the tears back again though as he watched them walk away. He couldn’t cry. He couldn’t give in.

He sat up, his body aching all over. He swallowed back some tears and cries and he took a look at his watch.

He felt his heart drop when he saw the time.

~ ~ ~

Zayn slowly made his way up the font steps. He bit his lip and he could hear his heartbeat in his ears. His mind was racing with all different thoughts. Should he run? Should he just sleep in the park? Maybe it would be better if he never even opened the door. Should he just stay away? She wouldn’t be able to hurt him if he never came home.

He swallowed and his shaky bruised hand reached for the doorknob and he carefully twisted it open. He could feel himself trembling all over, and he slowly tilted his head inside. He saw that the little living room was full of beer cans and wine bottles. She was home.

Zayn was really hoping she would have gone out and he wouldn’t have to deal with her. He hesitantly stepped inside and closed the door behind him, the creak making him flinch a little. He hoped, prayed, and wished that she didn’t hear that.

He set his bag down by the steps quietly, and was cautiously making his way into the kitchen. He hadn’t eaten since lunch, and his stomach was growling and it felt like it was trying to eat itself. He took a deep breath, thinking maybe she was sleeping since she hadn’t come out to holler and hit him because he was late.

“You’re late boy.” Zayn jumped as he heard his mother’s dark slurred voice call out to him. Zayn’s eyes locked on her as he saw her sitting at the ratty old kitchen table, a beer in her hand, and a cigarette in the other.

“Mama.” He whispered, as she glared at him past her long eyelashes. Zayn’s heart was in his throat as she stood up, almost not making it because she stumbled. He looked into her glazed eyes and he was pretty sure she could feel the way he shook standing there nervous and scared.

Zayn yelped as she then threw the bottle she had in her hand at him. He covered his head with his arms, and he screamed when it crashed and shattered against the wall next to him. He was pretty sure it was meant to hit him, but her aim was off because she was so drunk.

He was breathing in deeply, trying to calm down but as soon as he took his arms away from his head she was in front of him grabbing at his hair and yanking him into the kitchen.

“Mum! Please! Don’t!” He screamed out as she dragged him to the seat she was recently sitting in. He knew she wasn’t listening, just like everyone else, she never listened. Her eyes held that same gone angry look, and honestly it terrified Zayn.

“When I tell you to be home at a certain time,” She said, and she grabbed at Zayn’s arm, and he couldn’t even get a sentence out before she grabbed the cigarette that was hanging from her mouth and stabbed it into his arm. “you better fucking listen to me!”

Zayn screamed, and tears slipped past his eyes. The burning stinging awful white blinding pain was tearing into his skin. He cried out, begging, pleading with her to stop, but she continued not only once but a few more times slammed the butt of the cigarette down into his skin, marking it with dark red burning circles.

Zayn was trying to heave in air, the pain making everything harder to focus on. He wanted this to stop. He wished for it to stop. He prayed for all of this to just stop. He looked into his mothers wild eyes as she continued to burn him, to hurt him, to abuse him.

He let his tears fall. He just wanted to be happy. He didn’t want this life of pain and misery.

~ ~ ~

Niall sighed as he was walking home from the park. It was getting dark out now, and he knew that his mother would expect him home before then. She wouldn’t get mad if he was late, but he didn’t really feel like listening to her scold him about responsibility and privileges.

He had said goodbye to Liam, Louis and Harry earlier, and he was on his way to his house, which was right down the street from his school and the park.

He took out his phone to check if he had any messages and smiled when he had one from that Sarah girl he went to school with. He tried to like her. She was attractive, pretty and super nice, but it seemed something was off, and he didn’t exactly know what it was. He sighed and placed his phone back in his pocket deciding not to answer. He really didn’t know what to say anyway.

He couldn’t get his mind off earlier though. For some reason that Zayn kid kept popping up in his mind, and he hated it. The way he looked so desperate for them to let him go without pushing him around. He didn’t understand why the kid still fought back, he never won anyway. Niall was also wondering why he was still bullying this kid too. He wasn’t really a bother anymore, it was always just something they did. Ever since they were kids Zayn fag boy Malik had always been the one to pick on, and it kind of just stuck.

Niall knew though, deep down inside there was more than just that reason. He knew that bullying this kid was the only way to keep that reason away. He belittled him, called him names, broke him, and for some reason it made that feeling disappear from Niall’s chest.

He shook his head though, because he didn’t want to think about it. He hated thinking about it. He didn’t understand the feeling, and he didn’t want to bring it up again, because whenever he thought about it, it drove him crazy.

It was getting chilly now and he really did want to make it home as fast as possible. He knew his mother was making tacos for dinner and Niall loved them. He smiled thinking about it, but he almost stopped dead in his tracks when he heard a scream come from across the street.

His gaze traveled over to see a familiar house and he narrowed his eyes as he stared at it. Zayn. Zayn Malik’s disgusting old house which was supposed to be torn down before they decided to move in there. It really was a terrible place. The yard was completely full of weeds, looking like it hadn’t been mowed all summer long and the house was a dark gray with rotted wood on the sides and the front. Niall could only imagine what the inside looked like.

He heard another scream then, and he bit his lip and decided to see what was going on. He did just beat the kid up, so maybe that had something to do with the way he was screaming. He knew it had to be him.

Niall looked both ways before running across the street, and slowly crouched his way down to see inside the cracked dirty window. Niall had to hold his nose and try not to breathe because the place literally reeked of drugs and alcohol. Niall had no idea that his parents were such pieces of trash.

Niall snuck up and looked inside and his mouth dropped and his eyes went wide. He couldn’t believe as he watched, sitting at the kitchen table was Zayn as, what looked to be, his mother hold him by his hair there and stab him with something.

He could hear her yelling at him, he could see the crazy look in her eyes as she stumbled and fumbled trying to continue to hurt her son. Niall saw the way the tears were streaming down the tanned boy’s cheeks as he gripped at his arm. Niall then let his eyes fall to the boy’s arm where he saw the skin peeling away from the marks that littered the area.

Niall felt like he was going to be sick as he then saw her grab his arm then and throw him at the wall with great force. He winced as he collapsed.

Niall ducked then, and sat down on the ground. His eyes wide, his mouth agape. What in the world did he just witness? He shook his head and quickly ran back across the street trying to go unseen.

He was mortified. He was honestly scared for Zayn, and he felt terrible. He may have been a bully, but he wasn’t a heartless bastard. He never knew Zayn had it this hard. He had no idea what he had been going through. He always seemed so happy and cheery at school with his friends. Niall would have never even suspected that anything was wrong.

He continued to walk home, but soon found himself running. Should he tell his mom? Should he talk to Zayn? Should he tell anyone what he saw? Should he mention it at all? He had no idea what to do.

He was breathing heavily as he walked through his front door, and his mother was there in the kitchen smiling a him as he walked in. She obviously must have caught the horrified look on his face because her smile immediately faded as he looked at her.

“Niall dear?” She asked, cocking her head to the side, “What’s the matter?”

Niall shook his head, and tried to put away all thoughts of Zayn’s broken sad looking face and smiled for his mother. He blinked away the thoughts and bit his lip, acting like the angel his mother thought he was.

“Nothing mum, nothing’s wrong.” He lied, walking in and taking a seat waiting for his father and brother to come in from the living room. His mother returned a kind smile then and started to place things on the table in front of him for him to pass out and set.

He sighed out again though, and really, no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t get the thoughts of what he just saw out of his mind.

~ ~ ~

Niall couldn’t sleep. Every time he seemed to close his eyes all he could see was the way Zayn’s mother was hurting him, those tears trailing down his cheeks. He couldn’t believe it because the boy never cried. He also couldn’t get the way Zayn sounded so desperate earlier that day to get home out of his brain, but Niall wouldn’t listen to him. He begged and pleaded to let him go because he had to get home.

Was he the reason why Zayn was hurt by his mother?

He shook his head and sat up then. He didn’t want to think about it. It made him feel sick to even consider it. He didn’t like the boy, he knew he didn’t, but he didn’t understand why thinking about him made his stomach churn.

He never cared about him before, so what was the difference now? He sighed and got up from bed now and wandered over to his closet. He took out his hoodie and slipped it on over his shirt and decided to throw on a pair of pants. If he wasn’t going to sleep anyway, why not just go for a walk? He needed some air anyway.

He carefully made his way downstairs and pushed open the door, trying not to make a sound, not wanting alert his parents that he was leaving the house at an ungodly hour, especially on a school night. He was almost seventeen now, so he could do what he wanted anyway. He didn’t need his mother and father to tell him what to do anymore.

The air was chilly as he walked down the street letting his mind wander about things. That’s what he hated about himself, is that he let himself think way too often. He went into depth about things, and he never understood why things bothered him so much. It’s why he could never sleep. His anxiety would get to him, along with the stress he had. He always had music auditions and things to think about, and he always got behind on homework and work for school. He hated it. He could never stay on top of things and was always jealous of people who could.

Really, Niall was just a slacker, a procrastinator always putting things off till the last minute. He always had things to do. Hanging out with friends, and just laying at home doing nothing… okay maybe he was just lazy, but he hated doing things. He just liked to relax every once in a while. Even though he knew he had to get to work on things.

Right now though, his mind couldn’t leave a certain person, and that certain person was Zayn Malik.

He traveled his way down the street thinking maybe he would sit on the steps of the school for a while. There he could just relax and look up at the sky and let his mind calm down as he thought about things.

As he ran his way across the grass, his heart almost leapt out of his chest as he saw someone already sitting there on the steps. He blinked his eyes shut, trying to see if he was just imagining things, but he wasn’t. There sat Zayn, huddled together under a blanket, looking up at the stars.

“Zayn?” Niall instantly called out, and he noticed he scared the boy, seeing him jump a little. His eyes went wide then staring at him, and Niall just gave him a small smile. Zayn quickly threw the blanket off of him and made his way to stand up, and Niall could feel the defensive guard he just put up.

“N-Niall?” He asked, in a more curious voice. “What are you doing here?”

Niall just shrugged now, and saw how Zayn had moved to the bottom of the steps, kind of looking like he was about to bolt.

“I was out for a walk and I happened to pass by and saw you were sitting here.” He told him like it was the most casual thing to be doing at one in the morning. He then started to move closer to him. “Why are you here?”

Niall noticed the slump of his shoulders.

“I always come out here.” He shrugged too then, and Niall thought that to be a bit weird.

“So you come here all the time?” Zayn didn’t answer and sat back down on the steps, knowing he couldn’t make a break for it since he knew Niall was faster than him anyway. Just like earlier he would chase after him and it would just make things worse.

Niall came closer then, seeing the pained look on Zayn’s face and sat down next to him. His hair was all stuck up in different directions, and he wondered if it hurt from earlier, the way he saw his mother grab so harshly at his dark locks. He wanted to reach out and run his fingers through it but he knew he couldn’t. He mentally kicked himself for even thinking something so stupid. He hated Zayn why was he even talking to him?

It was quiet for a few more moments, until Niall tried to speak again, but he was cut off by Zayn.

“If you’re here to beat me up or hurt me can you just do it now and leave me alone?” He choked out, and Niall heard the broken sound in his voice. He sighed and frowned, looking down at the ground. He was sitting close to him, but it felt like the other boy was trying to scoot away. He could understand though. It’s not like him and Niall were the best of pals.

“I’m- no I’m not going to hurt you.” He stuttered out, not exactly sure what to say. Every time he even looked at the boy, all he could see was the way his mother had grabbed him and abused him earlier, and it made him feel guilty and nauseous. He also saw the way Zayn was cradling his arm to body, and Niall knew exactly why.

It was dead quiet again though, and it was kind of awkward, because he could feel Zayn’s eyes on him now, probably looking at him with wonder and disbelief.

“It’s kind of cold tonight, isn’t it?”

“What do you want?” Zayn questioned harshly, interrupting his question and Niall looked over to him now. His coffee brown eyes with specks of gold were seriously gorgeous, but Niall didn’t like the way there was pain and nervousness present inside them. He looked at Niall with pure terror and he didn’t like it at all.

“What, I can’t just chat with you?” He asked, and chuckled, and maybe he was acting too casual around him. He felt like he couldn’t be mean anymore. He felt guilty beyond belief. He then looked up and caught the annoyed look on Zayn’s face, and that was new.

“It’s one in the morning on a school night…” He trailed off, and shook his head and got up now, leaving Niall sitting by himself on the cold steps of the school. “and you and I aren’t exactly friends, so why would you want to talk to me in the first place?”

Nialll swallowed then and he stood up too, and grabbed at Zayn’s wrist, as he saw him trying to walk off. He didn’t jerk out of his grasp, in fact he just stiffened up and stood still then. Zayn’s skin felt warm against his, and he had to let go then, biting his lip. He let his arm fall back to his side. He needed to say something. He needed to tell him he knew.

“I saw what happened.” He told him, but Zayn still made no movements, frozen to his spot.

“What on earth are you talking about?” He spoke up then, and he really did wonder what on earth Niall was talking about.

Niall sighed out then, and gulped before he spoke next.

“What your mother did to you.” Zayn then turned around, and Niall was surprised to see a smile on his face. It was strange to say the least. Turned out the boy started to laugh, and now he was even more confused.

“Listen, I don’t know what you-”

“Show me your arm.” He demanded, and Zayn’s face then paled, and the smile dropped from his face. Niall knew he was caught now.

“Excuse me?” He whispered, and Niall wasn’t going to let this go. He knew what he saw. He knew that Zayn’s mother hurt him.

“Your arm, let me see it.” Zayn then swallowed thickly but stretched him arm out for Niall to see, but he froze when he shook his head instantly. “Your other arm, Zayn.”

Zayn shook his head and tried to back up, but Niall caught his arm before he could even move and rolled up the sleeve forcefully. The pain that shot up his arm made him cry out as the fabric slid against the burn marks littering his skin.

“Ow, ow, don’t.” He said, grabbing at Niall’s hand keeping it still, but he saw the blue boy’s eyes travel down to the marks on his skin.

Niall bit his lip and winced as he saw the dark red painful circle burns on Zayn’s forearm. He carefully let his fingertips trail across his skin, and Zayn bit his lip, because any kind of touch hurt, and he wished he would stop looking and just let go. This wasn’t any of his business in the first place.

“She burned you.” Niall whispered now, and Zayn then ripped his arm out from his grasp and rolled his sleeve down carefully not waning to cause anymore friction between the shirt and his burns.

“No.” He tried to deny it, but Niall rolled his eyes.

“Zayn I saw it with my own eyes, you can’t lie to me.” He said, but Zayn stared back at him with anger filled eyes.

“Shut up, no!” He screamed at him, and Niall was taken aback. Never had Zayn ever raised his voice at him. He looked upset an angered, and Niall wished he could understand what he was feeling and thinking. “Just leave me alone. You don’t know anything!”

He knew Zayn was going to try and run. He knew he wanted to get out of there, because he didn’t want to face the truth, and he didn’t want to face the reality of someone knowing. Niall knew he was scared and he could tell from the look on his anxious looking face.

“Zayn, I know that you need help.” Niall tried, but all he heard was a sarcastic chuckle from Zayn.

“Why would you want to help me in the first place. You’ve made it clear you don’t give a shit about me at all.” Niall stepped closer then but he felt Zayn take a step back.

“That’s not true.” He said, but was it? He never cared before…

“It’s not? Then why?” Zayn asked, his voice sounded pained again, and Niall really didn’t like the way it sounded. He was confused by his question though.

“Why- Why what?” He stuttered again. He saw the way Zayn let his head droop and let his gaze fall to the ground in front of him. It was quiet for a moment then, and Niall felt that weird sensation inside him again. His heart was starting to burn.

“Why do you hurt me?” He asked, and Niall winced at that, because he sounded so hurt. He bit his lip and shook his head, because now he felt awful, guilty, and disgusted with himself. Maybe he did hurt Zayn, but he was only doing it because, he felt like he had to in order to keep that damn feeling away…

“I-I don’t-” He lied, but he didn’t know what else to say. He felt anger bubble in his chest then as Zayn chuckled that sarcastic laugh again.

“You know what you do to me, and you don’t care.” He sneered, and his eyes then locked with Niall’s and was staring at him with anger and pain. Niall felt something break inside him and that feeling was making it’s way into his throat and he knew he needed to get out of there. He needed too.

“Whatever.” Niall snapped, “You want to be like this fine. I don’t care.” He broke his stare away from his eyes now and started to walk away. He didn’t understand why he didn’t want help. Niall could help him, even though he might have not shown it in the past, he does care, he’s not that much of a bastard, but he made it clear that he didn’t want his help, so if he wanted to be that way then he was going to let him.

He felt something inside him break as he heard Zayn yell back at him.

“Of course you don’t.”

~ ~ ~

Niall hadn’t seen Zayn at all except at night for the next two weeks. He didn’t see him at school like he usually would. Niall really had just been avoiding him and even his friends lately too. He knew what he was doing was wrong but things were different now.

He would go out at night and meet with Zayn as they sat on the steps of the school. Sometimes they would talk but other times they wouldn’t. Zayn would tell Niall of what his mother would do to him and why she did it. He learned that Zayn didn’t even know who his father was.

He told Niall of how his mother was an alcoholic and that she was trying to get better, but when he said that he didn’t sound so sure. Sometimes Zayn would show up with bruises on his arms, and sometimes on his legs and his back. He knew it wasn’t from him and his friends, since he had decided not be around for the bullying.

He knew Louis, Harry and Liam wouldn’t touch him if he wasn’t around. They had been trying to call him and ask him why he had been missing and keeping his distance but he wasn’t sure what he would say in the first place. He couldn’t tell them he was hanging out with Zayn, he couldn’t tell them that he actually kind of cared for him.

They were sitting out on the steps and it was a cold night, and Niall had let Zayn curl up next to him and snuggle into his side. The more time that he spent with him, the more he started to like the boy. It was strange because that feeling that seemed to come up, turned out to not scare him anymore, he actually started to welcome it.

“Are your burns healing?” Niall asked then, and Zayn looked up at him and smiled, and Niall couldn’t have asked for a prettier sight to look at.

“Yeah, they’re better.” He shrugged, and Niall knew the boy wasn’t lying, but he wanted to make sure. Also he wanted to make sure that there wasn’t anymore on his skin. He grabbed his arm then, and Zayn’s eyes went wide as Niall lifted up his sleeve like he had a few nights before.

“”N-No Niall don’t-” He tried to pull his arm away, but it was too late, and Niall saw the huge gashes that covered the upper part of his arm. He felt his heart hurt as he raised his eyes up to look into his.

Zayn just bit his lip, but didn’t look at him.

“Zayn what the hell are these?” He asked, and Zayn just shook his head, remaining quiet, and for some reason he really hoped that his mother had done this to him because the alternative was terrifying.

“Nothing.” He finally whispered out, and Niall sighed but still held onto his arm not letting go. The bright red marks making Niall want to look away, but he couldn’t stop staring at them.

“Did your mother do this to you?” He questioned, and his heart broke as Zayn slowly shook his head no. “You did this to yourself?”

“I’m sorry.” He whispered again, and Niall let his arm go, and he saw the guilty upset look on Zayn’s face now. He had no idea he had been self harming. He didn’t know Zayn would do something like that, but the more he thought about it the more he should have known. He should have known something was wrong. He was living a hell of a life, and he just should have known.

He looked into his eyes then and captured his gaze and Zayn bit his lip like he usually did when he was nervous or scared.

“I don’t want you to do this anymore.” Niall told him, but Zayn just shook his head again.

“I-It’s not that easy-”

“Promise me, you won’t.” He pleaded, and they stared at each other for a long while before Zayn nodded back, and leaned back against Niall.

“I promise.” He said, closing his eyes, letting the warmness of Niall next to him overtake him.

It was quiet then for the rest of the night as Niall held him in his arms protectively.

~ ~ ~

Niall heard his name being called out and he sighed as he knew exactly who it was. He knew this would happen. He knew Zayn would approach him at school at some point, and he wished it wouldn’t happen. Even though he might actually like the boy, there was no way they could be friends at school.

He saw him running up to him, but he couldn’t help but smile, because he looked kind of cute today.

“Niall, hey.” He breathed out as he finally caught up to him, but Niall bit his lip and looked around making sure no one was watching them, and trying to make sure that no one he knew was seeing him.

He then looked back to Zayn and the boy was still smiling wide.

“Zayn, um-”

“I just wanted to know if you were going to the steps tonight becuse-” He tried to ask, but he was cut off as someone stepped up behind him and he flinched so hard Niall had to grab onto his arm to reassure him that it was okay.

Niall glared behind him now, as Zayn turned too and saw Liam, Louis and Harry smirking at him.

“Hey well if it isn’t fag boy Malik.” Louis snarled, and was staring right at Zayn and Niall felt the boy stiffen and freeze in front of him. Niall then sighed and stepped in front of him, pushing him behind him and only Harry seemed to notice how odd that was.

“Hey Niall, it’s been a while.” Liam smiled at him, cracking his knuckles, and Louis was still staring at Zayn with some glint of evil in his eye and Niall had to step him and Zayn back a few feet.

“You ready to kick this faggots ass?” Louis asked, and Niall just shook his head. He wasn’t going to allow this to happen anymore. There was no way. Zayn had it hard enough, and this was going to be put to an end.

“Guys, don’t.” He told them, his voice demanding and angry. He felt Zayn grab onto the back of his shirt. He knew what he was doing was the right thing, and he knew he had to protect Zayn, even if it meant he lost his best friends. He couldn’t hurt this boy anymore, he’d been through enough.

“What?” Louis asked, and he sounded so confused that Niall rolled his eyes.

“Just leave him alone alright?” He gritted his teeth trying to make himself clear, but Louis just laughed now, and he saw the way Liam and Harry were staring at him with question in their eyes.  
“Are you serious right now?” Louis stood up closer to him in a challenging way and Niall really wanted to knock this kid on his ass because he was getting pissed.

“Listen just drop it okay?” He noticed that Harry and Liam seemed to back off, but the way Louis was still up in his face made him worry for the boy behind him. He turned then and grabbed Zayn’s attention holding his shoulder. “Get out of here, I’ll talk to you later alri-”

“What, are you and fag boy dating now or something?” Niall froze then, his heart stopping as he heard Louis’ words. Dating Zayn? What in the world was he talking about? He felt his heartbeat quicken though, because no, he didn’t like him, did he? There was no way he had feelings for this boy, right? No he couldn’t. There was no way…

He then turned back around and pushed Louis in the chest hard, making the boy stumble back, but all he did was laugh and it made Niall even angrier.

“Are you fucking retarded? No we’re not you dumb fuck now shut the hell up before I kick your ass!” He yelled at him, and people were starting to stare now. They were making a scene and things were getting worse, Niall could feel it.

“It’s not a fucking secret Niall, we all know you like dick, but you’ve been trying to hide it.” Louis teased him, and now Niall felt something inside him snap.

“What the fuck did you just say to me?” He clenched his fists and he was really about to punch this bastard in the face if he didn’t shut the hell up. He was wrong. He had no idea what he was talking about. Niall wasn’t gay. Niall didn’t like Zayn. Why would he even say something like that?

“You think we’re blind?”

“Fuck you man!” Niall screamed, “I’m not gay!” Louis laughed again, and people were starting to form a circle around them.

“Yeah sure, we all know you hang out with this faggot after school.” He gestured over to Zayn, and Niall had forgotten he was even there. He then pushed Louis back again, and this time, he wasn’t laughing about it.

“Stop calling him a faggot.” He warned, and his mind was racing along with heart because he had no idea what he was doing right now. He was about to fight one of his best friends, and all because of Zayn, because of a boy he started to have feelings for. People knew. They knew that he liked him, and honestly it scared the shit out of him.

“You pissed ‘cause you are one?” Niall then brought his fist up to punch Louis but Zayn grabbed at his arm, bringing it down. Zayn didn’t want this to continue any longer, and Niall was heaving in anger and it was scaring him a little bit.

“Niall, please just-”

“Fuck you!” Niall ripped his arm out of Zayn’s grip, and Zayn’s eyes went wide as Niall yelled at him.

“That’s more like it.” Louis laughed now, and Niall was getting more frustrated every minute that passed as he stood there and listened to Louis say dumb shit he wasn’t exactly sure was true or not. He was confused and angry and his mind was screaming at him and needed to just get out of there. He pushed Zayn out of the way now and the boy whimpered but Niall paid him no mind.

“Pussy.” Louis chuckled, and Niall flipped him off.

“Fuck you Louis, fuck you, piece of shit.”

~ ~ ~

Niall sighed as he looked over to his alarm clock. He kept tossing and turning all night, his mind not allowing him to sleep. He couldn’t get his thoughts to stop traveling to what had happened at school earlier. Was what Louis said about him true? Did he like Zayn? He shook his head and tired to stop thinking about it. He couldn’t. He wasn’t gay. There was no way…

He carefully slipped out of his bed then and slipped on his shoes. He had been doing this for a while, and he knew he might be there. It was almost two in the morning now so he probably wouldn’t be, but he grabbed his coat anyway and was walking out the front door.

It was easy to just get out and get some fresh air, and he knew he might see Zayn and that was also probably another reason why he wanted to go out. It’s not like he was going to fall asleep anytime soon.

The familiar walk to the school was short, but it was kind of chilly as he made his way down the street. It was a beautiful night, the stars lighting up the sky and the moon was shining and leading his way. He felt the breeze brush his light hair back from his face, and he felt a little free somehow.

When he showed up Zayn wasn’t there. He sighed and just decided to forget it. He knew it was a little late for him to be there anyway.

Niall sat down on the front steps of the school now. He thought maybe he was doing this a little bit too much, but he couldn’t sleep again. Everything was stabbing at his mind. All of his thoughts, all his feelings, all this confusion and he hated it. He had been trying to get everything to clear out but it wasn’t working, not even the alcohol and cigarettes he had been trying were helping.

He sighed and leaned back, looking up at the dark clouds. He squinted his eyes at the tiny bright lights way high up in the sky. He took a cigarette from his pocket and lit it up. He breathed in deeply letting the smoke fill his lungs as he tried to forget. He tired to block out Zayn and Louis and Liam and Harry, but mostly Zayn. He was popping up everywhere. His pretty eyes, his beautiful face, his kissable lips. Niall was really wishing he could just hate the kid like he used too.

“Niall?” Niall almost jumped out of his skin as he heard a soft angelic voice come from the side of him. He sighed and sat up and looked over to see Zayn standing in front of him.

Zayn wore his pajamas again like he had last time he had showed up. His hair was all ruffled up and he looked tired. He only wore a big sweater too, and he looked a little cold. He rubbed at his eyes as he watched Niall sit up. He didn’t make anymore moves towards the boy.

“Zayn, what are you doing here? It’s late.” He asked, almost like he cared for him. He bit his tongue knowing he shouldn’t have had that tone in his voice. The kind of worried and soft tone where he cared. He hated it. He didn’t want that anymore.

The dark haired boy smiled though, showing his pearly whites and Niall felt his heart flutter. He had to look away to keep from blushing. He sighed again, and he could hear Zayn coming towards him. This was happening way to often now. Zayn and him alone together, talking, laughing, acting like they were friends. Niall didn’t know how to feel about it anymore. He thought he he knew but what he thought, couldn’t be true, and he didn’t want it to be.

He felt Zayn sit down next to him. He looked over to see his shining golden eyes staring at him. He was still leaning back against the step, and Zayn was sort of leaning over him. Zayn’s eyes held wonder in them though, and Niall raised his eyebrows at him.

“You still can’t sleep?” He questioned, and Niall just glanced away now, watching the traffic in the street instead of looking at the pretty boy he for some reason liked so much in front of him. He shrugged, and he saw then how Zayn’s teeth were trying to stop themselves from chattering. 

“Yeah I guess, and what about you?” Niall asked, sitting up now and shrugging off his jacket. He gently placed it around the boy, and he saw Zayn turn a little bit pink in the cheeks, and thanked him, throwing his arms into the warm sleeves. Niall didn’t mind if he now only had a short sleeved t-shirt on.

“I was up still, and I come here every night even when you don’t so,” He trailed off, and Niall only nodded, because he knew that. He didn’t look at him anymore. He started to let his thoughts wander. He wondered what would have happened if he never caught Zayn’s mother abusing him. He wondered if he would still have his friends. He wondered if he even cared. He wondered what Zayn was thinking. He wondered a lot of things about him.

It was quiet for a long time, the quiet cool breeze brushing past their skin as they sat there. It was a little awkward, with Zayn knowing Niall didn’t like him, but he was worried for the other boy. He seemed off lately, and today what he said to him at school really had hurt, but he knew he was just angry. He didn’t mean it did he? The more he thought about it though, he probably did.

Zayn took a short intake of breath, and played with the hem of Niall’s jacket. It smelled like him, and it was warming and nice.

“Do you hate me still?” He let out in a small voice, and Niall stiffened as he heard how broken the dark boy sounded. Niall bit his lip, because his heart was screaming no, he didn’t hate him at all, but his mind was telling him otherwise. He wanted to say yes, but he felt like his heart would break if he spoke those awful words.

“I-I don’t.” He whispered, and Zayn sighed out, and scooted away from Niall a little, because he knew very well much that this conversation could get him beat up, even though Niall hadn’t laid a hand on him in forever, but all of these questions have been eating him alive with wonder ever since they were little.

“Why do hate me?” He asked now, and Niall was clenching his fists, because he was making him feel like an ass. Niall was a dick though. He really was. The way he treated Zayn was absolute shit, and he was a coward and a weakling. He was scared and he acted like a fool.

He knew what Zayn was going through, and he bet he had that question roam around in mind for a while. He didn’t understand why everyone did all those terrible things too him, and he had just accepted it, like it just happened and he was supposed to deal with it, and the thought made Niall feel sick.

“Was it something I did?” Zayn’s next question caught him off guard. Why the hell would he blame himself?

“What?” He asked, and Zayn’s deep dark eyes held hurt in them, and Niall felt his heart break again. He cursed and looked away. He coudln’t look into his eyes. “No you- you’ve never done anything wrong.” He sighed running a hand through his hair. This was unbelievable.

Zayn was staring at him with sadness as Niall spoke. He felt the nervousness also running through him but he ignored it. He saw the way Niall had turned away from him and was biting his lip. He looked pained, just as Zayn felt.

“I don’t understand then,” Zayn continued, “Why do you treat me like you hate me?” His broken voice and big sad eyes were killing Niall inside, and he finally couldn’t take it anymore.

“I- I don’t know!” He yelled getting up from his spot, getting away from him, and Zayn flinched and cowered away.

Niall wanted to scream because all of his feelings were rushing at him hitting his heart making it hurt and he wanted to tell Zayn that he loved him, how pretty he was, and how perfect his personality was that he was too nice for his own good, and he was amazing, and he was falling so hard for him.

That he had fallen so hard long ago.

Ever since they first met.

That was the feeling that was deep down inside him.

Zayn watched as Niall stood there, his chest heaving he thought in anger. He quietly stood up, a sad frown on his face, and for the first time he felt the tears in his eyes. He gently shook off Niall’s jacket and felt the tears roll down his cheeks.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, and Niall still didn’t turn around to look at him.

“Why the fuck are you sorry?” Niall chuckled in anger, because what the hell was he apologizing for. He leaned up against the cement wall now. He crossed his arms over his chest. He was falling apart.

“I-I just feel like I did something to make you dislike me so much, and I’m sorry.” Niall could hear the cracking of his voice, and he winced because he knew he was crying. Zayn never cried, but he finally just made the tears fall down past his tanned cheeks.

“Why are you so forgiving and apologetic? I don’t understand.” Niall sighed and rubbed his face with his hands. He couldn’t turn around and look at him. If he did, he knew he wouldn’t be able to take it. He would start crying too. He didn’t want to hurt him anymore, but he didn’t want his feelings to be true. He didn’t. He was scared, and nervous, and everything else you could think of that was this horrible feeling. He wasn’t supposed to be this way.

Zayn turned his face to the ground, knowing Niall wasn’t going to face him. He hated him too much. He tired to blink away the tears, but he was finally letting his feelings show. He wanted Niall to like him, he wished they could at least be friends.

“I just, I don’t want you to hate me anymore.” Niall slammed his fist against the cement now, and Zayn flinched again.

“For fucks sake you’re so annoying!” He ran then, his cowardliness taking over, and he clenched his eyes shut and didn’t turn back. He couldn’t do this anymore. Everything he worked so hard to do, to ignore the boy, to bully him to keep his feelings away. Everything was breaking away because his heart was weak.

He couldn’t like him. He didn’t want to like him, but most of all he was scared of liking him. He was a coward of what other’s would say, what other’s would think and he knew he was being a fool, and he shouldn’t care but those thoughts were eating at him inside and he coudln’t handle it.

What Louis had said was true. It was all true and it was scaring the living shit out of him.

Zayn watched on as he ran away. He held his jacket right to his chest, letting his tears fall. He collapsed back down on the steps. His heart hurt. He didn’t understand. He didn’t understand anything, especially why he liked Niall so much. All he wanted was for him to feel the same.

He wanted to like him. He wanted him to except him. He wanted to him to stop hurting him so much.

He sat there for a while, crying for the first time ever about the boy he loved who hated him so much. He never let his feelings show, and now that he let them free he couldn’t stop. He cried into the jacket wishing everything could be different.

~ ~ ~

Zayn hadn’t heard from Niall in days. He hadn’t been to the steps, and he didn’t even see him at school. Zayn knew Niall could never actually like him. There was no way something like that could ever happen. He will always hate him, and he wasn’t sure why but he always would.

He was sitting in art club at the end of the day and he had offered to stay behind and clean up and lock up after he was done. The art teacher had always liked him and had thought he was a doll for stepping up. She had to leave early though and she had been gone for ten minutes and Zayn was working on sweeping the floor.

He wasn’t in a hurry to get home. He was actually not worried at all since his mother had been out of town for a few days. She had only left him a note saying how she was going south for a few days with one of her boyfriends. He thinks his name is Ron or something. He couldn’t really remember, but he knew when she said a few days she meant like two weeks.

He was happy though, because he could actually sleep in peace for once in his life. After the third day Niall hadn’t shown up to the steps he stopped going. He knew it was pointless and he was never going to come back. After he had left the other day he called Zayn annoying and he knew he was being a bother to the blonde. He still hated him and nothing had changed. He needed to get his head wrapped around that.

When he had finished cleaning up putting the paint bottles away and putting away all the supplies that was left out by the others, he gathered up his things and his book bag and decided he would head for the park.

He threw on his jacket before he reached the outside knowing it was going to be a little chilly like normal. He knew that he should probably just go home but he liked going to the park on clear nice days and that’s what he was going to do.

The walk there was peaceful, and there weren’t many kids playing with their parents on the swings, and there were only a few younger kids playing basketball on the court. He made his way over to the big tree on the side of the slides and he slipped his bag off and leaned against it.

He closed his eyes and just breathed in. It was nice not to have to worry about his mother being home, but his mind did wander to Niall. He thought about how much he came to like him, and actually fell in love with him over the last few weeks they spent together. He’d actually realized he’d been in love with him for a while now.

It was nice while it had lasted though. He liked hanging out with him at night. It made making it through the days worth it. That’s why it really broke him inside when Niall stopped showing up. It was nice to just talk with someone, to get all of those pent up emotions off your chest to someone who would listen.

Zayn sighed out again as the cool breeze whipped across his cheeks.

“I thought you might be here.” Zayn almost jumped out of his skin as he heard a familiar pleasant voice come from next to him. He looked up to see bright blue eyes and a tad of a smile as he slid down next to him, their shoulders bumping and Zayn couldn’t believe he was actually here next to him.

“Niall?” He questioned and his heart raced a little at the chuckle he gave.

“That’s me.” He said, and Zayn looked at him with wondering eyes.

“What are you-”

“I wanted to apologize for the other day.” He said, and Zayn continued to look at him with a curious glance. He heard Niall sigh and then he rubbed the back of his neck. “What I said to you. I didn’t mean it.”

Zayn nodded and then looked forward. He didn’t have to apologize. He knew they couldn’t be friends. He knew he hated him, he didn’t have to pretend to like him.

“It’s fine, really.” He waved it off like it was no big deal but Niall caught his hand and intertwined their fingers, and Zayn’s eyes went wide. He felt his heartbeat quicken and he knew there was a blush on his face now. He looked up to Niall and he was smiling.

“It’s not fine though.” He said, letting his thumb rub back and forth on the boy’s tanned skin. Zayn couldn’t even begin to process what was happening. Niall was holding his hand. Niall. Holding. His hand. He only blinked at him as he spoke and then Niall laughed again.

“Listen, I know for a few days I’ve been avoiding you, and I’m sorry. It’s just I’ve been thinking, and I’ve been trying to get my head wrapped around things. I was confused, and honestly I was scared because I was unsure of what was happening to me.” He said, and Zayn had no idea what he was talking about.

“What were you confused about?” He questioned carefully, and Niall nodded and continued on.

“I was confused about you.” He told him and Zayn bit his lip and felt his heart stop. “I was mean to you. I was awful to you, and I never understood why I did it.” He shook his head, and Zayn just continued to listen because it was true.

“You were kind of an ass.” He smiled then, and Niall returned a warm one back.

“I know, and I really am so, so sorry, but I realize now that I was being foolish because I was scared of my own feelings for you.” Zayn gulped as Niall looked away then and his heart was lodged in his throat as he spoke his next words.

“And what would those feelings be?” Niall’s smile never left his face as Zayn asked that question and it was only quiet for a few moments before he piped up.

“I love you.” He confessed, and Zayn’s eyes went wide, but the hand that held his squeezed tighter. Zayn couldn’t believe his ears. Those words. Those three words that he just said were really making the happiness burst inside of him.

“You-You what?” He whispered, and Niall looked at him in all seriousness now.

“I mean it, I do, I swear Zayn. I love you so much and I’m so sorry I’m just realizing it now because I know I have for a while and-” Zayn cut him off again.

“You love me?” He questioned unbelievably because he’s never heard those words spoken to him before and he was having a hard time believing it. Niall just brought his hand up to Zayn’s face now and rubbed his thumb back and froth on his cheek his smile not faltering.

“Yes, I do, so much and I understand if you don’t love me back because I was awful to you and-”

“No one has ever said that to me before.” Zayn cut him off again, and Niall cocked his head to the side in wonder.

“No one has ever said what?”

“No one’s ever told me they loved me.” Niall’s heart broke a little at that, but he was also proud to be the first one to be able to say it. He was proud to be able to make him feel loved.

“I love you.” He said again, and Zayn felt Niall bringing him in closer, and his breath hitched as Niall connected their lips, and he grabbed onto the front of his shirt carefully, and he knew he was shaking. It wasn’t of fear, no, but because he’s never felt so happy before in his life.

He felt the burning in his eyes again, and he knew they weren’t sad tears. He let them spill past his eyes as he felt Niall smile into the kiss. His lips were tingling and he couldn’t believe any of this was happening.

Niall carefully and gently pulled back and brushed away the tears on Zayn’s face.

“You don’t have to cry, you know?” Niall chuckled but Zayn just pulled him in again into a body crushing hug, and cried into his shoulder. He couldn’t help it. He had wished, prayed and hoped for some kind of happiness to come into his life, and it had been granted. He was finally given a reason to smile, he was given someone who loved him. He finally had everything he had ever wanted.

Niall hugged him back tighter, and then pulled away and helped him stand up. He reached down and grabbed his bag and slung it over his own shoulder, and intertwined their fingers again. They slowly walked down their street talking and laughing, smiling and not caring who saw them.

Niall loved him, and he knew that now, and he was so grateful for the boy walking next to him holding his hand so delicately. He would protect him from now on, and he would never let anyone hurt him ever again. He never wanted to see him frown either, because the beautiful smile on his face at the moment now, was something that should never have to fade away.


End file.
